If You Go Down in the Woods...

Beware of the dangers lurking on an innocent cycle ride! Come, draw a little closer whilst I whisper you a story of two highwaymen, Stinger Nettle and Drawblud Bramble, who I found are of a time-honoured fraternity who take delight in spreading themselves about woodland paths intent on any exposed flesh within their grasp.

At the time of plotting a partly off-road cycling route for one of Noel Richardson’s monthly rides, earlier in the year, I encountered none of these gentlemen of the byways. Yet later, when rainfall and warmth had strengthened the resolve of the no-longer baffled bees, as they hovered over newly opened buds, I rode on. Ever exploring I fell into the trap set by our eponymous duo who held me to ransom. I was left with only minor scuffs and scratches – but, strangely showered with table condiments? I took my leave and rode home, luckily before nightfall. Messrs Nettle and Bramble have since been apprehended and appeared at the Elmbridge Assizes, charged with ‘A Salt and Battery’ and will only be released from prison when they have seen the light. God only knows why Stinger and Drawblud needed a battery and not the lamp.

The group cycle ride is yet to take place, because of cancellations due to illnesses and bad weather; also, my fear of re-encountering and perhaps being eaten by – you know who.

You have been reading a bit of nonsense by the ever humorous -

Richard B Callum